Boy howdy has it been a week. Actually, it has been a wild two weeks. I started a new job two weeks ago today and at first, I loved it. I was making more than I had ever made, but I was also working more hours than I had ever worked. It was a job that was pretty much 24/7 and I worked every single day from morning till night. I didn’t talk to my kids, my husband, or my friends. I worked. I felt needed, I felt valued, I felt important. I was – only in my head.
Let’s just say it did not end well. Instead of being upfront with me about how I was doing, the boss kept telling me how great I was doing. So when I saw that they had added someone to the admin list, I didn’t think much of it until later that night when I saw that person had the same title as me. I was hurt and I was gutted.
I put a lot of myself into my work. You can ask anyone who has worked with me. I am passionate about what I do. I throw myself into it. I want to do it well. I want my boss to be proud of how I am doing. And here I was let go from a job 10 days into it because I wasn’t working out.
After 10 days of constant criticism from the employee that I was replacing and just simple exhaustion from working all the time, I was done mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you add in the fact that my oldest daughter, KellyAnn was leaving the next day for college, yeah, you can see where I was. Numb and unable to even think about where I was going from there.
So here we are three days later. I can think about it. I have applied for a few jobs. I have prayed about it. My smile is starting to reappear every once in a while – usually while talking to a sweet 3-month-old little boy. Yes, it hurt to fail, but if I hadn’t tried, I would have always wondered if I could have done it. Yes, it made me question myself, but I also learned a lot about myself, too. Yes, I wonder if I could have handled it differently, but I am proud of myself for handling it at all.
I am a strong woman who is resilient. I will come back – stronger, wiser, and even better. I guarantee it and so does my God.
Blessings! Janis