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June 18, 2019

The Pain of Loss

In yesterday’s post, I listed what God has brought me through and it came to me late last night that I missed one of the things that changed me so much. How could I have forgotten it? When I was 20, my best friend, Kelly, was killed in a car accident. Her death still affects my relationships today. While my heart has healed from her loss, how I relate to others and open up to others has changed. With her, I was open and I laughed and I trusted and I loved. With friends these days, I feel collapsed inside myself, unable to really open myself up to them or their friendship.

Being a friend is something I truly struggle with. Putting myself out there is difficult. What if they die? What if they hurt me? What if? Many people see this as snobbiness or disinterest in them, but it is not. Instead it is protection of my heart. 

My friend Stacy is a hero at being my friend. You see, she doesn’t let me go. She keeps calling. Keeps texting. Keeps being there. I’ve told her not to let me go. In some ways, she is Jesus to me. She is there – always – even if I am not completely and I love her for that. 

Be Blessed Today and Everyday!

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